Second Thought

Today I was reminded of why I stopped writing on my blog (besides the whole 3 kids thing). It's just too easy to write a blog about God, instead of actually spending time with Him. I think I took a step back from blogging in order to assess my heart in it.

I also think this is true about great conversation/discussion about God. Those conversations serve to spur us along and inspire us towards God, but nothing truly great can happen in our relationship with God unless we are alone with computer, no one else. I think we all want some kind of sympathy vote or something. Like the most wise, valuable counselor is not enough. The only one who can actually do anything about anything is God and yet we desire a human audience to make us feel...well, understood.

I am not knocking fellowship and wise counsel from other believers at all. I have friends that have served me well in this capacity. But we could all stand to give it a second thought. When we think we really need to talk to someone here on earth about life, stress, frustrations, etc....have we even talked to God about it?

We talk about Him all the time, but are we talking to Him?


Walking Wounded

I am going through the book Conversations on Purpose with a friend right now and can I just say it is kicking my hiney! This book just really makes you work through a lot of stuff that is not super fun to work through. I actually consider myself a pretty self-aware person, but this takes it to a whole new level.

Today's chapter was titled 'Unearthing Blockades to Your Purposes'. Sounds delightful, right? There were four topics in this chapter: motives, fear, grief, and mistaken thinking. The sections I found particularly unsettling were fear and mistaken thinking. I am not sure I love discovering all of my weird fears, not to mention the mistaken thinking.

I feel far more screwed up than I did before I read through those lists...I knew I was a little screwed up. The author even recommended us at the beginning of the book to 'trust the process'...I never actually thought I would hear those words for real. And after realizing today that one of the parts of my mistaken thinking is 'Don't trust anyone', I am sure my skeptical heart will have a hard time 'trusting the process'.

Life is funny, though...I finished that chapter on all those gross, hard things...woke B and K up, got them in the van and headed for the carpool line to get Chaddy from kindergarten. Life goes on, even when we are walking wounded. I found myself looking around at all the other mini-van moms wondering if they could tell what my fears were by looking at me....heeheehee. And I also wondered what they had learned about themselves lately. How could anybody do life without Jesus?...that's what I was wondering...