Unendingly confused, but fully pleasing...

The cookies are done and I am the cookie! I feel so worked over. The Lord has taken me through so much and I am truly thankful, don't get me wrong, but I do wonder if everyone else feels this way too. Am I the only one who feels like I am on a constant discovery, re-discovery, on-the-verge of discovery crazy, confusing journey through life?

God has done HUGE things in my life every year for several years now. In fact, when I think about it, this has been going on since I first came to know the Lord. I think I was a pretty happy-go-lucky teenager...that is until the Lord grabbed a hold of my heart. At least I thought I was happy. Probably more of that ignorant bliss stuff. More ignorant than blissful, but so in denial that I actually don't remember struggling. I was never brought to the end of my rope until I saw clearly my sin and need for the Lord. Then I saw even more clearly, how through so much growth, I am still so screwed up. Still so screwed up!

But apparently, fully pleasing to the Lord.

I am un-endingly confused. I am led in ways that I have no idea why. I am growing more obedient in even the confusing things. I am so over being timid with people about the gospel. I am filled to the brim with ideas and passions that I don't fully know what to do with. I am known to talk too much. I am working hard to reign myself in and follow Michael's much more methodical lead. I am fascinated by the stories of people. I am spontaneous to a fault and regretful later. I am motivated by relationship...my relationship to Jesus and my relationship to others for the purpose of revealing Jesus. I am impatient with anyone who can't keep up with me and this makes me sad. I am a lot more angry of a person than I used to think. I am a mommy on her knees. I am a lover of alone time. I am strong. I am in love with forgiveness. I am actually sensitive, which has come as a shock and is super annoying. I am better when mostly busy, but not totally busy. I am most assuredly...A WORK IN PROGRESS!

Lord, I could use a break from self-discovery and new ways you want to mold me, but I understand if you want to keep pressing on. Help me to stay positive and stay engaged. Thanks for not letting go. I will not let go either.