Michael and I have been dealing with infertility since 2003 when we first thought about growing our family, so I guess that makes over 7 years. And yes, as crazy as it seems, we do still want more children, so this infertility journey is still raging on.
When this whole thing started I felt like it was possible that we would never conceive, but we probably would.
Now I feel like it is possible that we will conceive, but we probably won't.
And I don't think it is bad to start feeling the way I do now. My belief hasn't suffered. I still believe that God can do anything He wants and that He loves me with an out-of-this-world passion. I'm just not sure anymore that this is what He wants for me. I know it is what I want.
It is a weird moment to be totally aware of a major change in my thinking.
Kind of cool, too.
Sad, happy, sad, happy, sad, happy, sad, happy...who knows these days.