Especially in situations where I don't know anyone. I am scared I will be too loud. I am scared I will be too crazy. I am scared to make a mistake. I am scared of being intimidating and stand-offish. I am scared of being too outgoing and open right away. I am scared I will talk too much. I am scared of appearing not altogether as a mother. So many fears!
The thing is, I am at times too loud, too crazy, intimidating, stand-offish, too outgoing, too open, and I never have it altogether as a mother! Why do I even try for that one? I absolutely talk too much! I am a flawed person. These things are a part of me whether I like it or not. And these things do not always please. Nothing I do, or anyone else does, can or will please everyone.
Finding new community is hard. I am focusing on 'being myself'. Even when I feel totally exposed and vulnerable and like they may not like what they see....it is me they are seeing. And I am just Amanda. And I screw up every day, all day. But I do love Jesus with my whole heart.
And He loves me.
So far, so good. Being myself is hard for me...hard, not impossible. I do have to be intentional to be myself though...it doesn't come naturally. Go figure!
Enjoying the new church. We became members a couple of weeks ago. Really excited to get on board with the pastor and his vision. This is exactly what we prayed for!