Hurry up and wait!

All of our work is done for now. The home study went great! Stephanie was so sweet! This last weekend was eerily quiet. We did not have any thing to do and that is exactly what we needed. I am having to adjust back to what "normal" was before adoption took over. The hilarious part is as soon as I get adjusted back we will probably get the kids. After that, I am sure that life as we know it is gone for good. Although the physical work part of this process is over for now, the emotional work part of it is getting heavier every day. It's really amazing how much this decision has stretched us in every way you can imagine. The latest struggle I have been dealing with is the fear of losing Michael. It's weird how these things just come out of nowhere...or maybe I watched P.S. I Love You the other day and that stirred all of this up. Who knows? The only thing I do know is that when I saw that movie in the theaters last December it did not send my mind reeling, like it is now. I guess the thought of parenting our kids without him scares me a bit. My friend Heather always reminds me that, "Fear is not of the Lord." And she is right, by the way. My security should not rest in Michael or anyone else in this world, but only in Christ. How many times will I screw this one up! Me and Jesus...we can do this thing! We can totally do this thing!

so much love and gratefulness,

Amanda