Michael and I went on a little trip this weekend to the Hill country. This was sort of our last trip together before our kids enter the picture. We went with some of our best friends to camp out at Enchanted Rock and then into Fredericksburg the second night at a B&B. It was way fun and a great time with friends. We had a blast! I was talking to my friend Lauren while we were away about the adoption stuff and she excitedly said, "I wonder what your kids are doing right now?". It was so funny to hear her say that she thinks about that too. It was funny and totally encouraging at the same time. I just love the fact that I am not bringing kids into just my life, but into so many other people's life as well, really amazing people. We have been so blessed with friends and family that are just as excited as we are to meet our kids. Since Lauren said that, I have thought about it even more often than before. What are they doing this very second?
Are they being naughty? Are they telling a joke? Is anyone laughing at their joke? Are they sad and lonely? Are they playing outside? Did they get a hug today? Do they love Dora or Diego? Are they in time out this very second? Are they sleeping peacefully? Do they feel well? Was somebody mean to them today? Do they know that Jesus loves them?
It's so weird to me that my kids are alive and running around somewhere and I have not even met them yet...so weird and so exciting. I can not even express how amazing it will be to meet them and begin to learn who they are. Who are they? What is their little personality like? I am such a people person. I love meeting people and asking them so many questions. I love how different we all are. I love it that we all have these hilarious quirks that make us who we are. I love watching people and learning more about them. I even love it when I meet people who are totally freaked out by someone like me who asks a million questions. That just makes me want to know even more about them. People are so interesting. I just plain love people! My kids, they are people too. I am going to be allowed the privilege of getting to know these particular people better than anyone else in the whole world. God has chosen them specifically for me to raise as my own. God loves me so much. Who has he chosen for me? What an amazing gift--to serve a God who knows each of us so intimately.
We recently saw the movie 'August Rush'. It's about a woman who had a baby and was told the baby died. She finds out after the boy is like 9 years old that the baby lived. She goes searching for him and eventually finds him. At first, I liked the movie, but didn't really feel I could relate at all. I mean I am not my kid's birth mom, you know. But yesterday I was thinking...my kids are out there in the world just like her kid was. And she had never met her kid, just like I have never met my kids. Not conceiving my kids, doesn't make them any less my kids than if I had conceived them. In God's economy, we are all His children. He just entrusts children to us as earthly fathers and mothers anyways. They are not ours, but His. A friend told me once, "They come from Him, whether He puts them in our arms or in our bellies. They come from Him."
So what are they doing right now anyway?...hopefully sleeping.
Update:
We are just finishing up our picture book for the kids and waiting on the call back to schedule our home study. We should hear this week. They are just waiting to hear back from the FBI about our fingerprints. Once the FBI clears us, they will schedule our home study. After they process the home study, we will be officially waiting. They will start trying to match us with some kiddos that very day! Whoa nelly, so soon! I can't wait!
The Death-Defying Drop
Have you ever been on a roller coaster where you go up and down a few hills and in the back of your mind you start gripping the handles a little tighter, knowing that a big hill is just out of site? It's amazing how fast emotions changes. We are soooo excited knowing that God has picked out some kids just for us. We've been up and down some hills with the various trials of life (infertility, loneliness, insecurities). Little did we know that God had placed something like adoption in the path of our life, and I'm so grateful that He did. God's grace and timing is so amazing. If we were to stand in line and see the large death-defying drop we may have backed out of the line (at least I know I would have.) God in His mercy has used the ups-and-downs along the way to prepare us for adoption. My emotions are bouncing off the walls. It's been hard to sleep at night knowing that our kids are out there, and are probably going through the biggest death-defying drop of their life, in a much different way from us.
We are excited and anxious. /They are probably scared and fearful.
We're ready to have them in our home. /They don't know where home is anymore.
We worry about life's minimal decisions. /They're fighting for their lives.
God in His mercy and wisdom uses opposites to strengthen each other and minimize weaknesses. It's just like in marriage. Amanda is strong in areas that I'm weak in, and I'm strong in areas that Amanda is weak in. But together.....wow......we're dangerous. Our prayer is that we will compliment our children in the same way...providing what they need. We can look forward with confidence knowing how God has provided in the past. Like Paul, who when given the chance to speak, spoke boldy and confidently, often reciting God's provision for the nation of Israel and himself. He remembered his past and it helped him to be bold in his present. What confidence we can have, knowing that God has walked with us, carried us, and walks before us know.
Update:
-We have completed all the necessary paperwork and are lacking only fingerprinting, a homestudy and a picture book (to give to our agency, the state, and our kids.) We are hoping to have everything done by April 25th.
Things you can pray for:
-OUR KIDS!
-That are homestudy is complete before April 25th. We are going on a little weekend trip on April 25th, sort of our last trip together before parenthood. It would be amazing to be done with all of the hard stuff before then.
-Wisdom, patience, and rest as we wait on the Lord!
MK
We are excited and anxious. /They are probably scared and fearful.
We're ready to have them in our home. /They don't know where home is anymore.
We worry about life's minimal decisions. /They're fighting for their lives.
God in His mercy and wisdom uses opposites to strengthen each other and minimize weaknesses. It's just like in marriage. Amanda is strong in areas that I'm weak in, and I'm strong in areas that Amanda is weak in. But together.....wow......we're dangerous. Our prayer is that we will compliment our children in the same way...providing what they need. We can look forward with confidence knowing how God has provided in the past. Like Paul, who when given the chance to speak, spoke boldy and confidently, often reciting God's provision for the nation of Israel and himself. He remembered his past and it helped him to be bold in his present. What confidence we can have, knowing that God has walked with us, carried us, and walks before us know.
Update:
-We have completed all the necessary paperwork and are lacking only fingerprinting, a homestudy and a picture book (to give to our agency, the state, and our kids.) We are hoping to have everything done by April 25th.
Things you can pray for:
-OUR KIDS!
-That are homestudy is complete before April 25th. We are going on a little weekend trip on April 25th, sort of our last trip together before parenthood. It would be amazing to be done with all of the hard stuff before then.
-Wisdom, patience, and rest as we wait on the Lord!
MK
Adoption....the story of our Christian Life
The past couple of weeks I've spent a lot of time pondering the idea of adoption and what it represents. I guess in light of Easter and Christ's amazing gift it's hard not to think about our relationship with God and what it really means. I've heard it said time and again that adoption gives us understanding into our relationship with the Father. Sounds great but it's not something that can be easily grasped. It's like children that were raised in Urban areas and their understanding of the agricultural parables that Jesus told. It's hard to grasp the full concept and all that it entails when they've never been emerged in that world. I have found myself working through the idea of adoption. Being raised in a loving family with two parents and two brothers and a dog, it's hard for me to understand the full depth of adoption. I thank God that He allows us to get a glimpse of these concepts every now and then.
The thing that has really been on my heart is the idea of acceptance. The training we have received has been focused on loving the children and showing them unconditional love to establish a relationship with the children. That's the basis. Until basic needs are met it's foolish to focus on behavior...as behavior tends to be by-product of survival instincts. God accepts us as we are. He knows that are behaviors are a by-product of our sinful nature. That doesn't mean that He likes the behaviors, it just means that his relationship to us is more important than our actions. That's the starting ground.
Once that base is established then the behaviors can begin to be addressed. Through loving discipline and consequences He trains us to be more like Him. That's why we need a Savior. The old testament was written to show us the ultimate folly and behaviors of a sinful people. Christ came to establish a personal relationship in which the focus is on the relationship and not on all the legality. They taught us in the adoption training that behaviors will go away as the faith and security in the relationship grows. This means, as we draw close to God and realize that He supplies all our needs then we are able to grow in Him...we want to do right not because we're told to, but because we want to honor our Heavenly Father.
The process of acceptance and then discipline seems so tolerant....short term. If the goal is for a short term fix then stern discipline is the solution....short term. If the goal is for a healthy relationship, then it's important for both parties to spend time building the relationship. After the relationship is established, the discipline doesn't come from a strict dictator but from a loving Father. Perhaps that is why the 'Hellfire and Brimstone' sermons do so well in the short term but fail in the long term. They focus on the discipline and not the relationship. Jesus came so that we could have a relationship with our heavenly Father. My pastor always says, "He loves us to much to leave us the way we are." Thank God that He loves us enough to begin a relationship with us...because after all...it's all about Him.
M.K.
The thing that has really been on my heart is the idea of acceptance. The training we have received has been focused on loving the children and showing them unconditional love to establish a relationship with the children. That's the basis. Until basic needs are met it's foolish to focus on behavior...as behavior tends to be by-product of survival instincts. God accepts us as we are. He knows that are behaviors are a by-product of our sinful nature. That doesn't mean that He likes the behaviors, it just means that his relationship to us is more important than our actions. That's the starting ground.
Once that base is established then the behaviors can begin to be addressed. Through loving discipline and consequences He trains us to be more like Him. That's why we need a Savior. The old testament was written to show us the ultimate folly and behaviors of a sinful people. Christ came to establish a personal relationship in which the focus is on the relationship and not on all the legality. They taught us in the adoption training that behaviors will go away as the faith and security in the relationship grows. This means, as we draw close to God and realize that He supplies all our needs then we are able to grow in Him...we want to do right not because we're told to, but because we want to honor our Heavenly Father.
The process of acceptance and then discipline seems so tolerant....short term. If the goal is for a short term fix then stern discipline is the solution....short term. If the goal is for a healthy relationship, then it's important for both parties to spend time building the relationship. After the relationship is established, the discipline doesn't come from a strict dictator but from a loving Father. Perhaps that is why the 'Hellfire and Brimstone' sermons do so well in the short term but fail in the long term. They focus on the discipline and not the relationship. Jesus came so that we could have a relationship with our heavenly Father. My pastor always says, "He loves us to much to leave us the way we are." Thank God that He loves us enough to begin a relationship with us...because after all...it's all about Him.
M.K.
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