It seems that one major thing the Lord has been throwing in my face this entire year is SELF-CONTROL. Basically, I am a mess...still recovering from about 17 months of ridiculous life-change. I am positive that any of you new moms, new married's, or new anything's understand. After major change enters, there is a fall out somewhere.
I have heard the words 'self-control' from my children who learned the fruits of the spirit last summer, from several sermons at my church and sermons on the radio, and just in random conversation with other believers. I actually use this word all the time with my own kids...what kind of teacher am I? Practice what you preach, Amanda! I have known for a long time that I needed to address this particular area of my life, but just plain did not have the guts.
I used to shy away from spiritual discipline...always been a bit of a Mary, instead of a Martha. I preferred my interactions with God to be always completely organic. I felt that if I made it so scheduled or orthodox that it would not be as intense or amazing. But now, I recognize the beauty in discipline, especially spiritual discipline. The intensity and amazement in our relationship with God has nothing to do with how we come before him and when, but it has everything to do with why we come before him. As my passion for Christ has grown, my ability to have a regimented time with Him has also grown. My knowledge has increased and in turn my desire to spend time with Him has increased. The more we learn of this God we serve, the more we are inclined to pursue Him. As everything else in my life has grown more regimented, so has my time with God.
From Mary to Martha in so many ways. I love Mary. She is super cool...completely free-spirited, loves Jesus, always in the moment. But if we were all Mary's who is going to make dinner, you know. I think Jesus rebuked Martha, not because of the choice she made to serve instead of sit, but because of her resentful attitude toward Mary. Yes, serve. You gotta get dinner ready, but keep your eyes focused on Jesus, not on your neighbor, not on your sister, not on your husband...ouch! Hope that last one pierced you as much as it pierced me.
It takes discipline and self-control for me to serve constantly. Especially when my tendency is to sit in silence and relish the beauty of God in quiet contemplation. I am so not knocking the silent relishing at all...so great and amazing. In fact some people may need to use self-control to sit silently relishing God. For me, that comes naturally. I have spent 17 months trying to be a Mary who is also the mother I want to be. I actually know amazing mothers who are Mary's. I, sadly, am not one of them. I think I will need to fall somewhere in between the two in order to fill this role of motherhood the way I want to. Is this yet another thing that I need to find balance in? Can't I live a happy life of extremes?!
Anyways, back to self-control. I am deciding that this year, 'Year 29' for me (I am turning 29 at the end of March) will be marked by an all-out effort to practice self-control. This will entail spiritual as well as physical discipline.
Areas requiring an extra measure of discipline:
eating
drinking (cokes, not alcohol...come on people!)
exercising
writing again
reading the good book daily
prayer every day, and at least 1 especially long prayer time per week
holding my tongue...particularly when it comes to my kids
taming the temper...particularly when it comes to my kids
doing the laundry and actually folding and putting it away in the same day
Please don't be a critic of how horribly legalistic this whole thing seems...seems. See, I need discipline in this way. You may not. You may be a great task person. You may need a different kind of discipline. I know that none of this alone will get me closer to God. I am not trying to win favor from God. I already have favor. I genuinely desire more discipline in my life because I want to honor Him with my life, every aspect and every detail.
Of course, some of these things are significantly more important than others. I am completely aware of that. I am also completley aware that I will crash and burn a lot this year. But I am, right here and now, before all of you...or maybe just before Tracey Shellum (the only one still reading) commiting 'Year 29' to the use and incorporation of Self-Control!
Let the games begin! Oh yeah, the Olympics are on right now...the spirit of the Olympics has even permeated my writing.
a
7 years of wedded bliss!
Bliss may not be the exact right word, but anyway...Today is our 7th wedding anniversary and we are looking backward and forward at the same time. It's always a good reminder of where we have come from and always exciting to think of where we will be in another year. All in all, I have a pretty great guy, a super great guy.
If there is a day to celebrate your husband, then your anniversary is probably the day, so here goes:
Michael,
It has been a great honor to be your wife these 7 years. You are not perfect, but you are perfect for me. I love you more and more all the time. I am thankful for your laugh, your encouragement, your hard work, your humility, your friendship. I am thankful that you are kind-hearted, quiet, strong, and hansome, so hansome...wink, wink. I am thankful that you chose me. I am thankful, even for your shortcomings, because it is in those that I have learned the most about myself and my God. You are my best friend and my favorite daddy. Thank you for being you and for loving me!
Your loving wife,
Amanda
I wonder what God's going to do next!
If there is a day to celebrate your husband, then your anniversary is probably the day, so here goes:
Michael,
It has been a great honor to be your wife these 7 years. You are not perfect, but you are perfect for me. I love you more and more all the time. I am thankful for your laugh, your encouragement, your hard work, your humility, your friendship. I am thankful that you are kind-hearted, quiet, strong, and hansome, so hansome...wink, wink. I am thankful that you chose me. I am thankful, even for your shortcomings, because it is in those that I have learned the most about myself and my God. You are my best friend and my favorite daddy. Thank you for being you and for loving me!
Your loving wife,
Amanda
I wonder what God's going to do next!
It is finished!
They are officially Kashuba's! The adoption part is finished, but the parenting part will continue for the rest of our lives. I will never be able to fully explain what it felt like to walk out of that courtroom today and complete this crazy journey. From the first conversation I had with my friend Ashley over 4 years ago to going to court today...we had no idea what we were getting into. When I spoke with my friend Ashley 4 years ago, she and her husband were in the final stages of becoming licensed to get their kids. I remember thinking how amazing she was and how happy I was for her new family. Little did I know that just 4 years later I would be following in her foot steps. God planted a seed that day, a tiny speck of a seed and then he continued to water it, tend to it, pull out the weeds and see that it was grown into what is now our beautiful family. Ashley and her husband were there today at court. I thought that was fitting considering they were the ones who started it all!
I am reminded today of so many prayers...pouring my heart out to the Lord. I remember the first time I prayed for my kids. I did not know their names or ages or how many of them there would be, but I prayed for them right where they were and sobbed at the thought that they needed their momma and for some reason God knew it would be better for them to take the long route getting to us. I struggle to find the words to explain what I know to be true about God. Some things don't make sense...or at least I can't explain them. All I know is how I feel and what God has revealed to me. I do feel sad that I did not get to have my kids from day 1, but I know that God's amazing plan is being revealed all the time in my life and in the life of my kids. I am honored to know Him just a little. I am honored to be the mother of my 3 precious little ones. None of us our perfect, not one, and this world is a scary place, but our God is beautiful and just and holy and perfect. He takes risks. He does not fit in our minds or in any box. He is adventurous and life with Him is a wild ride...one that I am glad to be on.
Oh God, you are my God and I will ever praise you! We ask for your wisdom this day and every day after to be the kind of parents you want us to be. This is all in service to you. Help us to keep the faith.
amanda
I am reminded today of so many prayers...pouring my heart out to the Lord. I remember the first time I prayed for my kids. I did not know their names or ages or how many of them there would be, but I prayed for them right where they were and sobbed at the thought that they needed their momma and for some reason God knew it would be better for them to take the long route getting to us. I struggle to find the words to explain what I know to be true about God. Some things don't make sense...or at least I can't explain them. All I know is how I feel and what God has revealed to me. I do feel sad that I did not get to have my kids from day 1, but I know that God's amazing plan is being revealed all the time in my life and in the life of my kids. I am honored to know Him just a little. I am honored to be the mother of my 3 precious little ones. None of us our perfect, not one, and this world is a scary place, but our God is beautiful and just and holy and perfect. He takes risks. He does not fit in our minds or in any box. He is adventurous and life with Him is a wild ride...one that I am glad to be on.
Oh God, you are my God and I will ever praise you! We ask for your wisdom this day and every day after to be the kind of parents you want us to be. This is all in service to you. Help us to keep the faith.
amanda
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